Friday, July 30, 2010

Stealing From Peter, To Pay Paul!

Hello again, sorry to have been away for so long. I have been struggling for awhile, and was unable to focus on my writing!

It has been a constant battle for me, month by month, day by day, to find the money to pay the rent, my Jeep payments & my bills & keep myself off the streets, like where many of my fellow Veterans are living. I have been out of work since
September, my back has totally gone & is in too much pain to continue working at

I have been forced to cash in my Thrift Savings Plan Retirement that I had
through the Army. I have cashed in gold coins I had saved, my coin jars, my
savings for a house, that I know now I will never own, my stocks that I had from
employee stock plans at Coke. I have had to accept help from the VFW & a local
charity to make it through the last two months. I pick up nickle deposit cans & bottles when I see them, & grabbed them out of my landlord's trash cans & pick up coins I find on the ground to survive.

I have tried to work with my creditors, Chrysler Financial, which covers my
loan with my Jeep, will not work with me, in fact one supervisor I talked to there
told me "It is not their problem that I was injured in Iraq", great they take our tax dollars & get bailed out, but refuse to work with disabled, unemployed Veterans.

ATT Wireless is another company that refuses to work with Disabled Veterans, last November, I went down to the ATT Wireless store in the mall near me to pay up my
bill, with my credit card. Two days later they cancelled my account anyway, then charged me forthe time I was disconnected. Again I tried to work with them, they
refused to help me & kept charging me for time on a cel phone that I was not using,
so I told them to "pound sand". They kept calling & harassing me, so I told them to put me on "Do not Call List" after that for weeks I kept getting calls, & they hung up, I know it is them because the punk I talk to on there had an attitude with me!

Great to know that we have such great American Companies that support Disabled Veterans! There has been some Good companies that have worked with me. Capital One
Bank has really been great with waving late charges, & let me make payments by phone,
without charging me. (Chrysler Financial charges me $9.95 to do that). USAA my insurance company have been really great as well. Palm Beach Shores Resorts, which I have my timeshare(which I have been trying to sell) with, have worked with me & dropped late fees, & gave me time to get square with them.

I am not sure where I go from here, I am only a month or two from being homeless,
been unable to reach the Disabled American Veterans for help, never in the office,
tomorrow I have to go down to the Vet center to try & get help, with Social Services,
Social Security & getting my VA percentage up higher, so the fight goes on!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Sorry for the delay, will be posting again soon!

Hello all, sorry to have been offline for so long. I have been going through alot lately, still battling the Army, The Government & the IRS. Will try and get a new post up this week, & start updating regularly. I would like to thank all of you for your great support & advice.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Me And The I.R.S.

My latest battle is with that corrupt & useless government agency know as the Internal Revenue Service. My taxes are a mess, since 2001, Since the 9-11 attacks I had been on the go with my Army National Guard, deploying & moving many times my paperwork became a mess. While at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, I contacted the I.R.S. to get help sorting my taxes out. I got the rudest, most disrespectful bitch on the phone, telling me that being deployed to a combat zone & recovering in a Army Hospital is no excuse for being behind with my IRS paperwork & taxes. I have tried to get help w/ my taxes through the Veterans Administration, but they don't provide help with that. I know I can't call the I.R.S. because I saw the kind of to expect from them. I guess I will try & get help from my Congressman's or Senator's Veteran Liason, but it takes a long time to get through on the phone.

I suppose, I could draw all my money out of my banks(not that there is much left), take a leave of absense & go the homeless route for a while this way all they can go after is my Veterans disability checks. Just what I needed more stress piled on top of the mountain of stress that I am already under. Like Johnny Paycheck says "To Hell With The I.R.S. !!!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Help For PTSD Sufferers!

I have found some blogs & info concerning PTSD and healing, that I would like to share. I have not had time to read & digest all the information, but I decided to put it out there in the hopes, that it may help some of my fellow PTSD sufferers. This is my second attempt, I had a post almost completed, I accidently hit a button & wiped it out, really pissed me off, what is the use of having a save now button, when u can't go back to portion u saved? Sorry, got off track there, just had to vent!

The first blog is from Dr Cindee Grace, Naturopath. She has a free ebook dealing with PTSD & DID (Dissociative Identity Disorders) titled "Holistic Self-Care For Post Traumatic Stress & Dissociative Identity" You can download it free from following sites: - This is site I downloaded from.

Dr Cindee Grace, has given permission to download for free & distribute, so long as you download in entirety & do not attempt to make money off her work, you can download for free.

Another blog site I found was The blogger Michelle Rosenthal is a PTSD survivor, who says she is now healed and able to live a normal life. Michelle is on twitter @HealMyPTSD She has a PTSD workshop outlined in her blog, and a lot of good helpful posts. I have not had time to read them all yet, but I thought that I would share these to in the hope that it may help some of my brothers & sisters in arms out there suffering from PTSD.

I urge any of my readers or if you know of others suffering from PTSD to take advantage of this free information, & see if it will help you. Main thing is read with an open mind, a closed mind does not absorb, & may pass on something that may help. When I have had a chance to fully read & absorb, I will let you know how it has helped or not helped me. But, remember, everyone is different, what works for one person may not work for another & vice versa. I wish you all good luck in battling your PTSD, but remember there is help out there, u just have to find it. Never give up!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The New Fight - Will I Join The Homeless?

I have been fighting to keep my job with Coca-Cola Enterprises, unfortunately it looks like I am about to lose this fight. Unum (Life Insurance Company Of America, Leave Management Services) which handles Coca-Cola Enterprises Family & Medical Leaves, has decided to harass me with constant requests for more paperwork, rather than contact my doctor for confirmation, and are refusing my Family Medical Leave, due to my PTSD & Combat Stress, which has added more stress to my already bad psychological condition. Causing more chest pains, panic attacks & nightmares to what I already suffer from. I have been unable to make it to VA Hospital to get refills, & the VA will not renew by phone, I have been out of my Psych meds for a couple of months which makes things even worse, & harder to leave my apartment. I have been using some old pills from 2005, which are expired but they don't seem to help much. My pain meds are almost ou & my heart meds are running low. I can't wake up during daylight hours to get in to VA Hospital, or to contact my Senator or Congressman for help.

If I lose my job with Coca-Cola Enterprises, I figure I have to about October or November before I move out onto the street. I will not burden any of my friends or family, I have plenty of training, & can survive in the wild. Main worry is what do I do, with all my stuff. I will have to find a way to disconnect the GPS system on my Jeep so it can't be tracked, don't need a repoman tracking me down. I have sleeping bags, a cot, & shelter halves, I can make myself a nice little
hooch & live off the land. These are just contingency thoughts, for if I do lose my job. I am still fighting so the battle is not yet lost.

Tomorrow, I will attempt to get up early & contact Senator Gillibrand's Office & try and get her assistance in dealing with Unum. Also I need to try & contact the Veterans Representative in Hauppauge, & try to get some assistance. This is really frustrating, before I went to War I was super reliable, worked long hours, little sleep, now all I do is sleep & miss work. The largest growing group of homeless are OIF/OEF Veterans. I guess we can thank the U.S. Army for not
taking care of there own!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Constant Battle!

I seem to be locked in a constant battle for my sanity. Between fighting the constant pain I am in, the nightmares & crazy dreams where I awaken, not knowing where or when I am. I rarely leave my apartment these days, I can't wake up in the daytime to go to work, I am awake during the night, trying to find a way to numb the pain so I can sleep, but when I get to sleep it is broken with nightmares & strange dreams, sometimes I am with fallen comrades, or with my old brothers in Iraq. Some nights I wake up screaming or swinging, I have attacked my stand up light a few times, I still reach for my m-4 or 12-gauge & still feel the panic when they are not there. I have not been able to make my appointments with the VA Hospital, because I can not wake up. I hobble around like an old man on the real bad days. I hate to go out, because I feel peoples eyes on me as I hobble around. I am unable to work, because I can't get up, & don't know if I can work through the pain.

I have exhausted my savings, the few dollars I get from the VA, does not help much. I have tried to make up for some with twitads, revtwt & Google adsense, but don't get enough clicks to really make a difference. Chatting with my friends on twitter & blip-fm helps me to keep my sanity. I also have some Veteran friends on here, that helps me realize that I am not the only one going thru this. I get to read their blogs, & see that this is a common problem, suffered by many War Veterans, I have some friends in English, & Australian Military that suffer from these PTSD problems. Also I see that their military do not give a damn about their veterans, just like the United States Army does not. It is pathethic how we, who amswered the call to duty, get treated like beggars by the corrupt and inept Army Medical Evaluation Boards (MEB) & Army Physical Evaluation Board (PEB). It is hard for me to accept, that at 47, I am broken down, and will have to spend the rest of my life, in pain, and fighting this constant battle.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Dealing With Pain!

One of my constant worries or problems I deal with, is the constant pain that I am in. No matter what I take my back is always in pain, it just lessens the degree of pain, but never eliminates the pain. On my bad days I hobble around like an old man, on my good days I can walk about with some degree of pain. While training up for Iraq, at Ft Hood TX & Ft Irwin CA, I wrecked my back running around with all the gear on, Body armor with plates, ammo, grenades, camelback filled w/ water, kevlar helmet & other gear putting a tremendous strain on my back. When I got to Iraq, my back got worse, but I had to keep going. Kept aggravating the injuries. I'd have to hit the deck when shots were fired, jump back up, with the body armor plates digging into my back. When the Iraqi guard towers were taken fire I'd have to race up the steel ladderways to get to the towers. I was 42 running around with 20 year olds. As an Infantry Fire Team Leader, It was my responsibility to be first man up into the towers & put my head over the wall. Adrenaline kept me going, there was no taking it easy. Sleeping on a hard army cot, did not help it any either.

When I got medevac'd out of Iraq 29 Jan 05, from a heart attack, it was a hard thing to leave my team behind. I tried to get the doctor to send me back, but they medevac'd me to Landstuhl Germany. My back started to heal somewhat while at Landstuhl, they gave me percocet & flexiril to help deal with the pain & heat packs to help my back. When I got to Walter Reed, I played down the back injury because I was trying to get my cardiac doctor to sign off on me returning to my unit in Iraq. He stalled me off until it was too late for me to go back, then I started to actively try and get treatment for my back. I went thru pool therapy, physical therapy, accupuncture, chiropracter, tens unit, they would help some, but my back kept getting worse. I was told that I was not a good candidate for back surgery. The final conclusion was that I would just have to live with the pain for the rest of my life.

I went through the corrupt and inept Army Medical Evaluation Board (MEB)/ Physical Evaluation Board (PEB). I was evaluated by Dr Harvey Cohen, who is openly biased against National Guard & Reserve soldiers, he told me that "You are just another National Guard soldier trying to live off the government" Now if he had been biased against me for race, gender, or religion there would have been a problem but it was ok for him to be biased against me for being a National Guard soldier. The board final determination was unfit for duty 10% which means I was medically retired with 0 compensation. Going through the MEB/PEB is one of the most humiliating and degrading experiences I have ever been to. They treated me more like a common beggar looking for a handout. I wanted to be fixed, they could not heal me so I wrongfully expected the Army to do the right thing & fairly compensate me for my disabilities.

I tried to get politicians to do something about the Army MEB/PEB, but no help, they smile shake your habd take a picture with you, then you never hear from them again. I Brought it to the attention of President Bush, Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY), Senator Edward Kennedy (D-MA) Senator Domenci (R-NM), Senator Snow (R-ME), numerous Congressmen & Senators during the Building 18 scandal, but to no avail. The Army was allowed to continue its humiliating and disgraceful treatment of combat veterans. There were many other veterans screwed over by the corrupt system. I will go into further detail in future posts. Dr Harvey Cohen is still doing his biased evaluations & screwing hundreds or thousand of Wounded Warriors, in the MEB/PEB. It goes on because he saves the Army millions of dollars at the Wounded Warriors expense.

So now I am going through the VA health care, where they seem to be trying to save money by not prescribing pain medications, and I must battle their evaluation system, right now it stands at 40% but I am sure it will increase in time. I have been out of work due to my various injuries & PTSD related problems. I just would like to get back to my normal self, if that is possible. I used to be outgoing, fun, life of the party, hard charger, now I am withdrawn, I stay at home, avoid friends & family.